Lunch With Spider-Man
by Chocolate X My Mouth
Summary: Peter invites Bucky and Sam to go to McDonald's with him. Sam isn't exactly content with his choice, and Bucky concludes that Happy Meals suck. (crack fic) (T for language)


**This is a crack fic, in case you couldn't tell. XD (based on the "feud" between Sebastian Stan/Anthony Mackie, and Tom Holland. XD)**

* * *

It was a peaceful day in the Avengers HQ, and Sam Wilson and James "Bucky" Barnes had just gotten done with a good workout at a very handy time - it was nearing lunch time, so they both were extremely hungry and ready to eat.

"What're you gonna eat today?" Bucky asked his best frenemy.

"Thinking about a salad, personally," said Sam, "or a steak. It really depends on what we got."

"I'm thinking about just going out and trying that new pizza joint," Bucky muttered, throwing on his jacket over his fresh t-shirt; the previous one was drenched in sweat. "What was it called again? Uh... Pizza Hut!"

"..The damn chain's been around for at least a thousand years at this point," Sam said matter-of-factly.

Suddenly, Bucky got a call on his flip-phone - it was from none other than the kid with the most names in the world. Tony's son, Wanda's little brother, Mr. Juice Box - but his official name was Peter Parker, the Spider-Man.

Both heroes sighed audibly for about five seconds before Bucky answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey man! What's up?" Peter said enthusiastically.

"The ceiling," said Bucky, completely deadpan.

"...Anyway, I'm on my way to McDonald's!" said the teen. "You guys want anything? You can come with if you want!"

"I don't trust the kid with a car," said Sam.

"Me either," Bucky nodded in agreement. "We'll be down there in 15."

"Sweet! Catch you guys la-"

Bucky hung up on Peter. "Suit up."

"You got it," replied Sam.

* * *

**_10 minutes later..._**

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier were now fully suited up in their combat gear, and were now bolting down the halls of the Avengers compound at full speed; it was almost unreal how fast they were going.

For a visual example: they sprinted past Steve, and he didn't even realize it was his two besties, despite how fast they were going. They almost ran through Rhodey (in the full War Machine armor!), and they nearly made Wanda drop her sandwich. Don't even ask about what happened to Vision.

In fact, they were running so fast, they sprinted right past Natasha - in a sparkly pink unitard, with her silver pointe shoes adorning her feet. And they never noticed.

Meanwhile, her cheeks were flushed with nothing but redness._ At least it hadn't been Steve who had seen her in her secret dance getup..._

Anyway, the two superheroes burst out the front door, only to see Spider-Man, in full superhero getup as well...

In the driver's seat of a golf cart.

Bucky and Sam were dumbfounded.

"Hop on in, guys!" said Peter, waving them over.

They were so dumbfounded that they actually went on with the kid - and climbed into the back seat of the golf cart. One of them would have gotten in the front, but all the kid's stuff was already occupying that seat.

"...So...McDonald's?" Sam finally asked.

"Yep!" confirmed Peter, revving up the golf cart. "I'm so excited to be hanging out with you guys!"

"Us too, we can't wait," Bucky said - deadpan as ever.

The golf cart finally began to move, and Peter turned on his phone to his Spotify epic music playlist - amazing and uplifting orchestra music filled the air as the golf cart began to move slowly out of the compound. They were going a steady 20 MPH, and Peter really didn't have any plans to go faster.

Sam and Bucky were already bored to death.

"Should've gone to Subway," muttered Sam.

"I agree, a train would be much better than this," Bucky nodded.

Sam gave him a very pointed look. "I hate you."

* * *

As Peter gently cruised along the road, waving back to all the pedestrians who waved to him, he gently rocked his head back and forth to the song currently playing on his epic music playlist - "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers.

Sam and Bucky both looked like they wanted to die.

"Oh, look! We're here!" smiled Peter. "What do you guys want?"

"Get me a Happy Meal," Sam said.

"Really?" asked Peter, looking back at him.

"Yes," Sam nodded, "the cheeseburger Happy Meal. Get this man a four-piece chicken nuggets Happy Meal."

"Four nuggets sounds like a lot," Bucky said, "are we sure there isn't a smaller option?"

"That's the smallest they got," Sam said.

"Damn... might have to share with you, kid," the super-soldier muttered.

"Just let me know if you end up needing a nugget-buddy!" smiled Peter from underneath the mask, pulling up to the drive-thru.

"...Can a fireball come out of the sky already?" Bucky asked, looking up to the sky.

"There, there," Sam said, lightly tapping Bucky on the knee.

"_Hi, welcome to McDonald's, what can I get for you?_" the voice asked.

"Uh, hi! Can I get two Happy Meals, one cheeseburger and one four piece McNuggets-"

"What the hell is a 'McNugget'?" asked Bucky.

"A McDonald's chicken nugget," answered Sam.

"I swear, the state of the dictionary these days," Bucky muttered. "Noah Webster would be very unhappy."

"-And can I also get a McWhopper and a large fry? That'll be all!" Peter said, finishing the order.

"Your total will be $20.38!"

"Thank you!"

And with that, Peter started up the golf cart again, and pulled up to the window where an employee took his money - and when she realized she was with Spider-Man (like, the legit, real Spidey), she took a picture with him and nearly fainted in excitement. She also waved hi to Bucky and Sam.

"I feel offended," the winged Avenger muttered.

And then, they pulled up to the food window - Peter thanked the employee who handed him the Happy Meals and his food bag, and he pulled over to the parking lot to find a nice spot where they could all enjoy their meal.

"Alright fellas, dig in!" Peter said, rubbing his hands excitedly as he pulled out a juice box from his backpack.

"...These nuggets aren't even the size of my hand," Bucky muttered, looking at how small the McNugget was.

"That's how they get you," Sam said. "Damn fools didn't even give me a decent toy."

"There's a toy in here?" Bucky asked, shocked.

"Yep! All Happy Meals come with toys!" Peter said. "Its a staple of the thing."

Bucky looked at his toy, very confused. Sam had gotten a neon green race car...

But Bucky had gotten a pink pony.

"HA! THEY GAVE YOU A GIRL'S TOY!" Sam yelled, laughing hysterically as he pointed at Bucky.

"How... H-How does that happen?" Bucky wondered aloud.

"I-I guess I forgot to specify that they were both for boys," Peter giggled. "Its happened to me before, don't worry dude."

"Well, its getting thrown away anyway," the super soldier shrugged, ready to stuff it back into the box from where it came.

"No no no! Dude, if you walk around the compound carrying that pony," said Sam, "I'll give you five bucks."

"Make it ten."

"Now let's not-"

"Make. It. Ten."

Sam sighed, caving in. "Alright, fifteen, but you're twisting my neck here!"

"Pleasure doing business with you," Bucky smirked, opening his fruit bag and ready to be fifteen dollars richer.

Peter just smiled as he bit into his McWhopper - this had been a very successful lunch.

All the while Sam had just about choked on a french fry - Bucky, of course, got his turn to laugh.

* * *

As the golf cart drove back into the Avengers' compound, Sam and Bucky eagerly hopped off the moment it came to a halt.

"Later dudes!" Peter said, waving goodbye.

And with that, he pressed a button on the golf cart, which turned the wheels to a 90-degree angle downward, and the hubcaps turned into jet propulsors. And with that, Peter steered the golf cart upwards, and took off into the sky.

Sam and Bucky watched in absolute and pure... confusion.

"What the hell does Stark do to anything he ever owns?" asked Bucky.

"Anything he can," Sam said, still observing as Peter flew above New York in his Stark golf cart. "Anything he can..."

The two stood in silence for a moment, still clutching their Happy Meal toys.

"Happy Meals suck," Bucky finally said.

"Hey man, the toy ain't bad," said Sam, chuckling.

"You got a race car! I got a pink pony-what am I supposed to do with that?!"

"Show it off, man!"

And with that, Sam took off to the sky to do some "routine exercises".

He was, in reality, nyooming his race car around in the air.

Bucky just sighed and stood there for a minute.

...What a lunch.

**Review plz? I know this is probably crappy but I hope I at least made ye laugh XD Love you guys!**


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